• Back in 2018, an article appeared on the Ashtree Wildcrafting website addressing the controversy around ingesting chokecherry fruit. Digging to the bottom of that controversy revealed the concept of preparation. However, visitors to our booth have begun surfacing a third way to enjoy this fruit - the practice of pouring salt into a bag, dropping berries in to coat them in salt, then eating them raw.


    The Amygdalin rabbit-trail revealed other things too,however, the scientific community has no idea what dosage is safe and what is unsafe, though some admit that getting it from food is more advantagous and most likely safer than getting it as a supplement. My Nutritional/Medicinal database now has 34 common foods listed. 12 of them are noted to have the compound in the kernel or seed, the highest concentration in the domestic world being that of the bitter almond followed by the apricot kernel.


    If your diet is high in sulfur-rich and B12 rich foods, which means your cabbage, broccoli, onions, garlic, beef, eggs, etc, then salted raw chockecherries may be ok. If you avoid bioavailable sources of B12, or don't like or can't have sulfur-rich foods, cooking your chockecherries is preferable before ingesting them.


    https://naturalhealthgodsway.ca/2026/09/24/eating-raw-chokecherries-with-salt-can-i-get-some-scientific-proof-here/
    Back in 2018, an article appeared on the Ashtree Wildcrafting website addressing the controversy around ingesting chokecherry fruit. Digging to the bottom of that controversy revealed the concept of preparation. However, visitors to our booth have begun surfacing a third way to enjoy this fruit - the practice of pouring salt into a bag, dropping berries in to coat them in salt, then eating them raw. The Amygdalin rabbit-trail revealed other things too,however, the scientific community has no idea what dosage is safe and what is unsafe, though some admit that getting it from food is more advantagous and most likely safer than getting it as a supplement. My Nutritional/Medicinal database now has 34 common foods listed. 12 of them are noted to have the compound in the kernel or seed, the highest concentration in the domestic world being that of the bitter almond followed by the apricot kernel. If your diet is high in sulfur-rich and B12 rich foods, which means your cabbage, broccoli, onions, garlic, beef, eggs, etc, then salted raw chockecherries may be ok. If you avoid bioavailable sources of B12, or don't like or can't have sulfur-rich foods, cooking your chockecherries is preferable before ingesting them. https://naturalhealthgodsway.ca/2026/09/24/eating-raw-chokecherries-with-salt-can-i-get-some-scientific-proof-here/
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  • With many areas of North America suffering or having suffered various levels of wildfires this summer, and with discussions above and below the 49th Parallel centering around whether or not governments are doing enough to mitigate forest fire potential and better fight forest fires, fire mitigation and forest fuel management are popping up more and more frequently.


    One method of protecting property . . . is the use of vegetation that doesn't easily catch fire or stay aflame.


    As foragers, we can do our bit for forest management, by harvesting the peeling/shedding bark of the Ponderosa Pine tree, taking it home, grinding it up, and using it in place of cinnamon in our cooking, baking, drinks, etc. When we see downed branches with green pine, spruce or fir needles, we can snap off needle bunches and take them home as well. We can gather unopened green or brown cones of pine, spruce and fir, and make mugolio from them. Sap and resin that has hardened on the outside of conifer trunks can be broken off and taken home for use in salves and oils. Its easiest to harvest in winter


    Brown pine needles can be gathered and used to weave baskets and mats. Opened cones laying on the ground can be gathered for use in fall and winter crafts such as table center-pieces, votive candle accents, wreaths, garlands, in decorative jars, etc. Gathering windfall or deadfall is an ethical way of stocking up your pantry and craft cupboard while doing your part in forest fuel management.


    https://naturalhealthgodsway.ca/2026/08/26/forest-fuel-management-foraging-style/
    With many areas of North America suffering or having suffered various levels of wildfires this summer, and with discussions above and below the 49th Parallel centering around whether or not governments are doing enough to mitigate forest fire potential and better fight forest fires, fire mitigation and forest fuel management are popping up more and more frequently. One method of protecting property . . . is the use of vegetation that doesn't easily catch fire or stay aflame. As foragers, we can do our bit for forest management, by harvesting the peeling/shedding bark of the Ponderosa Pine tree, taking it home, grinding it up, and using it in place of cinnamon in our cooking, baking, drinks, etc. When we see downed branches with green pine, spruce or fir needles, we can snap off needle bunches and take them home as well. We can gather unopened green or brown cones of pine, spruce and fir, and make mugolio from them. Sap and resin that has hardened on the outside of conifer trunks can be broken off and taken home for use in salves and oils. Its easiest to harvest in winter Brown pine needles can be gathered and used to weave baskets and mats. Opened cones laying on the ground can be gathered for use in fall and winter crafts such as table center-pieces, votive candle accents, wreaths, garlands, in decorative jars, etc. Gathering windfall or deadfall is an ethical way of stocking up your pantry and craft cupboard while doing your part in forest fuel management. https://naturalhealthgodsway.ca/2026/08/26/forest-fuel-management-foraging-style/
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  • In the vein of yet another go big or go home event, today was supposed to be kitchen day in our house! The catch however, occurred in a new addition to my cheese sauce that began late winter 2026, just before spring. Ashley suggested looking into making hummus from chickpea flour. I counted out how many cups of carrot I rough-pureed, and had 13.5 cups, or roughly 27 times the recipe I'd used last time! Out of curiousity, I weighed the various containers, and discovered I've made over 8kg of spicy carrot chickpea hummus! Ashley got curious, and came up with a slightly rewilded herbed chickpea hummus, throwing in catnip. Mint is a common cooking herb in the Middle East and in the Mediterranean region as well. It's flavour blended very nicely with the besan in finger dipped taste tests. I've written down her recipe for future use!


    We had a great time at Creative Chaos this past weekend! We look forward to establishing a presence at the Kelowna Farmer's Market this summer. We might need rope tied to our ankles to make sure our trajectory doesn't leave orbit!


    Monday's foraging run had a fun discovery!  Purple/magenta baby cones looking for all the world like little spiky flowers, are appearing at the tips of ponderosa pines in our region!  Ashley stopped to take several photos.


    We also began our sage harvesting early again this year.  Here's hoping we get enough to last through to next spring.


    For the full adventure and a few photos, click here:
    https://naturalhealthgodsway.ca/2026/06/10/of-carrots-hummus-fairs-and-markets-i-hear-the-engines-revving/
    In the vein of yet another go big or go home event, today was supposed to be kitchen day in our house! The catch however, occurred in a new addition to my cheese sauce that began late winter 2026, just before spring. Ashley suggested looking into making hummus from chickpea flour. I counted out how many cups of carrot I rough-pureed, and had 13.5 cups, or roughly 27 times the recipe I'd used last time! Out of curiousity, I weighed the various containers, and discovered I've made over 8kg of spicy carrot chickpea hummus! Ashley got curious, and came up with a slightly rewilded herbed chickpea hummus, throwing in catnip. Mint is a common cooking herb in the Middle East and in the Mediterranean region as well. It's flavour blended very nicely with the besan in finger dipped taste tests. I've written down her recipe for future use! We had a great time at Creative Chaos this past weekend! We look forward to establishing a presence at the Kelowna Farmer's Market this summer. We might need rope tied to our ankles to make sure our trajectory doesn't leave orbit! Monday's foraging run had a fun discovery!  Purple/magenta baby cones looking for all the world like little spiky flowers, are appearing at the tips of ponderosa pines in our region!  Ashley stopped to take several photos. We also began our sage harvesting early again this year.  Here's hoping we get enough to last through to next spring. For the full adventure and a few photos, click here: https://naturalhealthgodsway.ca/2026/06/10/of-carrots-hummus-fairs-and-markets-i-hear-the-engines-revving/
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  • So I got blocked by someone over at Truth Social who was pushing Amazon products in health groups. First, why anyone still supports a company that refuses to crack down on both plagiarism and digital art theft, amazes me. As an author with friends in the artistic space affected by this behaviour, I left and took my books elsewhere. Second, encouraging people to buy what they can often get for free in their backyard or in wild spaces, also doesn't make sense, because free sources make health and wellness more affordable. It's called foraging.

    A recent push for a herbal supplement was for spurilina. The big claim to fame here is the chlorophyll. Dr Mercola, in a 2017 article shared a substitute that only requires gloves and maybe snips to get - stinging nettle:

    "Nettles Compared to 'Superfood' Spirulina
    Although spirulina technically does grow in 'the States,' it's only one — Hawaii, as well as other exotic areas of the world, so it's understandable that many think of it as not exactly around the corner. But first of all, what is it? If you've heard of blue-green algae, you're halfway there.

    Spirulina's deep blue-green color reveals its active ingredient — chlorophyll — clearly. Health . com explains it as one of the oldest life forms on Earth and possibly consumed in Aztec and African diets centuries ago.

    Today it's touted for its ability to strengthen the immune system, reduce fatigue and combat allergies. Nettles are another plant with chlorophyll that even rivals the amount found in spirulina, but they're often found in ditch banks, forests and riverbanks.

    "Taken over time, nettle will strengthen your circulatory, immune, and endocrine systems to promote peak function. The stronger these systems, the better position our bodies are in to deal with whatever might come our way."

    Cooked or dried, though, this pesky stinging problem goes away completely; good thing, too, because this free foraging food is highly nutritious, containing fiber, lecithin, chlorophyll, sodium, iron, phosphorus, sulfur, potassium and vitamins A and C, according to Mother Earth News. It's been used in birth rooms and battlefields to stop bleeding, both internally and externally, and is considered to purify blood, as well. As a tea:

    "It has been found to help cure mucus congestion, skin irritations, water retention and diarrhea … stimulate the digestive glands of the stomach, intestines, liver, pancreas and gall bladder. Applied externally, nettle tea … relieves rheumatism in both people and animals, makes a first-class gargle for
    mouth and throat infections, helps to clear up acne and eczema and promotes the healing of burns."

    My daughter and I began foraging over 10yrs ago, and we will either take the top 8 inches or so, or if the plant insists, the whole thing. We learned how to use gloved/sleeved hands to snap off what we want. The seeds are useful in cooking and tea as a fennel replacement. So we dry both mature and young leaves at all stages of growth.
    So I got blocked by someone over at Truth Social who was pushing Amazon products in health groups. First, why anyone still supports a company that refuses to crack down on both plagiarism and digital art theft, amazes me. As an author with friends in the artistic space affected by this behaviour, I left and took my books elsewhere. Second, encouraging people to buy what they can often get for free in their backyard or in wild spaces, also doesn't make sense, because free sources make health and wellness more affordable. It's called foraging. A recent push for a herbal supplement was for spurilina. The big claim to fame here is the chlorophyll. Dr Mercola, in a 2017 article shared a substitute that only requires gloves and maybe snips to get - stinging nettle: "Nettles Compared to 'Superfood' Spirulina Although spirulina technically does grow in 'the States,' it's only one — Hawaii, as well as other exotic areas of the world, so it's understandable that many think of it as not exactly around the corner. But first of all, what is it? If you've heard of blue-green algae, you're halfway there. Spirulina's deep blue-green color reveals its active ingredient — chlorophyll — clearly. Health . com explains it as one of the oldest life forms on Earth and possibly consumed in Aztec and African diets centuries ago. Today it's touted for its ability to strengthen the immune system, reduce fatigue and combat allergies. Nettles are another plant with chlorophyll that even rivals the amount found in spirulina, but they're often found in ditch banks, forests and riverbanks. "Taken over time, nettle will strengthen your circulatory, immune, and endocrine systems to promote peak function. The stronger these systems, the better position our bodies are in to deal with whatever might come our way." Cooked or dried, though, this pesky stinging problem goes away completely; good thing, too, because this free foraging food is highly nutritious, containing fiber, lecithin, chlorophyll, sodium, iron, phosphorus, sulfur, potassium and vitamins A and C, according to Mother Earth News. It's been used in birth rooms and battlefields to stop bleeding, both internally and externally, and is considered to purify blood, as well. As a tea: "It has been found to help cure mucus congestion, skin irritations, water retention and diarrhea … stimulate the digestive glands of the stomach, intestines, liver, pancreas and gall bladder. Applied externally, nettle tea … relieves rheumatism in both people and animals, makes a first-class gargle for mouth and throat infections, helps to clear up acne and eczema and promotes the healing of burns." My daughter and I began foraging over 10yrs ago, and we will either take the top 8 inches or so, or if the plant insists, the whole thing. We learned how to use gloved/sleeved hands to snap off what we want. The seeds are useful in cooking and tea as a fennel replacement. So we dry both mature and young leaves at all stages of growth.
    Like
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  • What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I'm glad you asked...

    12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR. It's suppose to be grape flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision.

    12:06 pm: You eat a handful of chips, It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.

    12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of impacted crap in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser.

    Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.

    12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...

    12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The crap/ water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down.

    Is that blood?

    False alarm.

    That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench what's left of your butthole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid fart as it gurgled out of your butt.

    1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have crapped out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your butt now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it.

    You're now curled up in the bathtub crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats.

    You meet Jesus.

    8:37 pm: You're broken.
    Your butthole is broken.
    Your spirit's broken.

    Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have and you're going to run up to Walmart with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.
    What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I'm glad you asked... 12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR. It's suppose to be grape flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision. 12:06 pm: You eat a handful of chips, It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life. 12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of impacted crap in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser. Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours. 12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1... 12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The crap/ water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down. Is that blood? False alarm. That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench what's left of your butthole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid fart as it gurgled out of your butt. 1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have crapped out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your butt now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it. You're now curled up in the bathtub crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats. You meet Jesus. 8:37 pm: You're broken. Your butthole is broken. Your spirit's broken. Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have and you're going to run up to Walmart with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.
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  • Conservative MP accuses Carney of “cooking the books” with budget split
    https://truenorthwire.com/2025/07/conservative-mp-accuses-carney-of-cooking-the-books-with-budget-split/
    Conservative MP accuses Carney of “cooking the books” with budget split https://truenorthwire.com/2025/07/conservative-mp-accuses-carney-of-cooking-the-books-with-budget-split/
    TRUENORTHWIRE.COM
    Conservative MP accuses Carney of “cooking the books” with budget split
    Conservative MP Michael Cooper is accusing Prime Minister Mark Carney of deliberately misleading Canadians about the true size of his government’s deficit spending. In a statement, the Conservative MP called Carney’s plan to balance the “operating budget” a way to “cook the books.” “His creative
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  • One has to wonder why has it taken this long to figure this out (that many already actually knew about years ago). Could it be that there is a _LOT_ of money in big Ag and big Pharma? . . .

    https://themindunleashed.com/2024/12/cooking-oils-used-by-millions-linked-to-cancer-in-second-study-in-a-week.html
    One has to wonder why has it taken this long to figure this out (that many already actually knew about years ago). Could it be that there is a _LOT_ of money in big Ag and big Pharma? . . . https://themindunleashed.com/2024/12/cooking-oils-used-by-millions-linked-to-cancer-in-second-study-in-a-week.html
    THEMINDUNLEASHED.COM
    Cooking Oils Used By Millions Linked To Cancer In Second Study In A Week
    Imagine if something as common as the oil in your kitchen could be silently contributing to cancer. For millions around the world, this unsettling possibility has moved from speculation to science. Two studies, released just days apart, have cast a harsh spotlight on widely used cooking oils, suggesting a troubling connection between their consumption and […]
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  • Adrenochrome Taskforce Rescues Hundreds of Kids Trafficked by Marina Abramovic

    Russian special forces have rescued hundreds of enslaved children from a factory farm in the Ukrainian Carpathian mountains, as President Putin’s campaign against the global adrenochrome industry intensifies. According to Russian sources involved in the raid, the bust that liberated hundreds of children was made possible by the infiltration of an adrenochrome party organized by Marina Abramovic and attended by elites in Paris, France.

    Ukraine is the global capital of the child sex trade and investigators warn it is home to a network of adrenochrome factories.

    Many children are born into the factory farm system, bred for slavery, without birth certificates or ID. These children never know what it is like to live a life without terror.

    However, the adrenochrome industry is growing so fast it requires a constantly growing supply of children to satisfy the urges of the elite pedophiles and addicts.

    This is why the streets of towns and cities across Ukraine are lined with missing children posters.

    Russian President Putin formed an elite adrenochrome task forced earlier this year, explaining that Zelensky’s Kiev regime has been earning hundreds of millions of dollars per year by keeping children in degrading factory farm conditions and selling them to the highest bidder on the international market – no questions asked.

    According to those on the ground in Ukraine, these children are sold as sex slaves to elite pedophiles and those who don’t find buyers are “carved up like discarded waste,” and their organs are harvested and sold for use at European and Israeli transplant centers.

    Last year Zelensky appointed Satanic witch Marina Abramovic to serve as ambassador to Ukraine and help rebuild the country’s schools for children. The so-called “performance artist” is infamous for being part of the Wikileaks document dump that revealed she sent an email to Hillary Clinton, John Podesta and his brother Tony inviting them to a “Spirit Cooking dinner,” which is an occult ritual made famous by the notorious Satanist Aleister Crowley.

    https://thepeoplesvoice.tv/adrenochrome-taskforce-rescues-hundreds-of-kids-trafficked-by-marina-abramovic/
    Adrenochrome Taskforce Rescues Hundreds of Kids Trafficked by Marina Abramovic Russian special forces have rescued hundreds of enslaved children from a factory farm in the Ukrainian Carpathian mountains, as President Putin’s campaign against the global adrenochrome industry intensifies. According to Russian sources involved in the raid, the bust that liberated hundreds of children was made possible by the infiltration of an adrenochrome party organized by Marina Abramovic and attended by elites in Paris, France. Ukraine is the global capital of the child sex trade and investigators warn it is home to a network of adrenochrome factories. Many children are born into the factory farm system, bred for slavery, without birth certificates or ID. These children never know what it is like to live a life without terror. However, the adrenochrome industry is growing so fast it requires a constantly growing supply of children to satisfy the urges of the elite pedophiles and addicts. This is why the streets of towns and cities across Ukraine are lined with missing children posters. Russian President Putin formed an elite adrenochrome task forced earlier this year, explaining that Zelensky’s Kiev regime has been earning hundreds of millions of dollars per year by keeping children in degrading factory farm conditions and selling them to the highest bidder on the international market – no questions asked. According to those on the ground in Ukraine, these children are sold as sex slaves to elite pedophiles and those who don’t find buyers are “carved up like discarded waste,” and their organs are harvested and sold for use at European and Israeli transplant centers. Last year Zelensky appointed Satanic witch Marina Abramovic to serve as ambassador to Ukraine and help rebuild the country’s schools for children. The so-called “performance artist” is infamous for being part of the Wikileaks document dump that revealed she sent an email to Hillary Clinton, John Podesta and his brother Tony inviting them to a “Spirit Cooking dinner,” which is an occult ritual made famous by the notorious Satanist Aleister Crowley. https://thepeoplesvoice.tv/adrenochrome-taskforce-rescues-hundreds-of-kids-trafficked-by-marina-abramovic/
    THEPEOPLESVOICE.TV
    Adrenochrome Taskforce Rescues Hundreds of Kids Trafficked by Marina Abramovic
    Russian special forces have rescued hundreds of enslaved children from a factory farm in the Ukrainian Carpathian mountains, as President Putin's campaign against the global adrenochrome industry intensifies.
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  • China’s Military “Cognitively Cooking” U.S. To Accept Surrender [MARKET ULTRA #41 02.05.24 @7AM]

    MARKET ULTRA
    LIVE FROM AMERICA
    MONDAY FEBRUARY 5, 2024
    EPISODE - #41 7AM

    #China #ChineseMilitary #CCP

    With Craig Wenclewicz and Pete Santilli

    https://rumble.com/v4blb2u-chinas-military-cognitively-cooking-u.s.-to-accept-surrender-market-ultra-4.html
    China’s Military “Cognitively Cooking” U.S. To Accept Surrender [MARKET ULTRA #41 02.05.24 @7AM] MARKET ULTRA LIVE FROM AMERICA MONDAY FEBRUARY 5, 2024 EPISODE - #41 7AM #China #ChineseMilitary #CCP With Craig Wenclewicz and Pete Santilli https://rumble.com/v4blb2u-chinas-military-cognitively-cooking-u.s.-to-accept-surrender-market-ultra-4.html
    0 Kommentare 0 Geteilt 1K Ansichten 0 Bewertungen
  • A Woman's Version of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

    'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
    I was cooking, and baking, and moanin’, and bitchin’.
    I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
    This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!

    Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
    They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
    My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
    The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.

    There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
    frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
    Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
    my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.

    I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
    Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
    He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
    then grins as he chuckles 'The eggnog is ready!'
    He looks all around and with total regret, says,
    'What's taking so long....aren't you through in here yet?'

    As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
    He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
    He flees from the room in terror and pain
    and screams, 'MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!'

    Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
    Oh darn, it's the pies! They're burned all to hell!
    I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
    but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.

    What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
    If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
    Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
    It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.

    But I promise you one thing, if I live 'til next year,
    You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
    I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
    and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!
    A Woman's Version of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen; I was cooking, and baking, and moanin’, and bitchin’. I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest. This room's a disaster, just look at this mess! Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed. They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need! My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs. The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs. There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing; frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging. Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done; my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs. I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore; Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor. He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady; then grins as he chuckles 'The eggnog is ready!' He looks all around and with total regret, says, 'What's taking so long....aren't you through in here yet?' As quick as a flash I reach for a knife; He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life! He flees from the room in terror and pain and screams, 'MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!' Now what was I doing, and what is that smell? Oh darn, it's the pies! They're burned all to hell! I hate to admit when I make a mistake, but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE. What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead? If this is good living, I'd rather be dead. Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays; It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed. But I promise you one thing, if I live 'til next year, You won't find me pulling my hair out in here. I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter; and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!
    Wow
    1
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